Yawn

Well its been another 3 days with little or no sleep. Hopefuly my body is tired enough at this point to crash underthe pressure ridding me of my insomnia.

Life is uneventfull. all news is bad news to some one. And there is no good news to speak of.

My head hurts, i'm thirsty, lonely and above all... tired as lord know what...

Most people run in circles when they burst into flame...

I however shrug it off because its another day in my life. Lately my life has been hell. all i'm missing are some broken bones to match my shattered mindset.

At this point I'm no longer going into detail about all the rotten things in my life. simply because i don't have a week to make one post.

I leave you with a few quotes, for no reason. Followed by another random song to liven up your day.

Henry Ford:
"If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability."

Belgian Proverb:
"It is no use waiting for your ship to come in unless you have sent one out."

Long days, and longer nights...

Plagued by racing thoughts and contradicting emotions, my nights have become what feels longer then my days. Insomnia has set in and i have noticed myself acting as if manic depression has set in...

My emotions switch so rapidly i can't tell if i'm angry enough to strangle some one, or sad enough i just wish i'd die. At either rate nither one is good and it troubles me to see myself in such a degraded state. Never thought my mental facilities would become as if i didn't own them. I can hardly contain my emotions much less actually control there outbursts; And i fear this is not helping the reason or source problem of my manic depression.

I wish to study the logical mind of computers, and the illogical and some times arbitrary mind of humans. It seems i am no closer to knowing how humans think, but my path towards scripting perfection draws closer and closer. Perhaps one day i'll be able to look back and laugh at my situation... but for now i laugh at it in hysteria, and then as suddenly as i start laughing, i begin weeping.

The Mad Man,
Jester; The King Of Fools

This isn't alright anylonger,...

Dropped 3 classes Monday.... and still i don't have a job... i can't even open a bank account in my name yet...

I'v been thinking about the Navy, or Air-Force... but there is a several month waiting list and i may not even meet requirements to join.

I am looking for a simple job that won't over work me and has a decent amount of pay for putting up with a minimal amount of BS. Sounds simple right? Wrong.... on-top of the fact no such job even exists,.. no one is even hireing right now....

Random Song:
Chombichrist - DNA AM

The times, Are a changeing;

Well i had to drop 3 classes in order to find myself a job since the family is suffering and i'm failing to uphold my self in the classes. Tines are rough and i am heavily considering the military.

They can teach me discipline and strength, as well as bestow my with courage. All of these things i lack. At any rate, i leave you with this short story and random song.

"There once was a man who had no knowledge of who he was, and what his past had been. He had devote his entire life to finding these answers. And one day he met this genie, who ask 'And what will be your third wish?' In reply, the man ask 'What of my second and first wish?' The genie simply said, 'Your second wish was to undo the first.' With this the man realized what his first wish had been was no good and that he had some how forgotten it. He had no other wish but to know of who he was and what his past had been. He then said after a brief moment thinking about it, 'I'd like to know my past, and who i really am.' The genie chuckle uproariously and said, 'Strange; That was your first wish.' And with this the man was bestow with visions, memories, of horrible deeds and crimes. Visions of blood that forever stain his hands and soul. He had come to remember that he was something no mad should ever be. He spat curses at the genie and told him of how it must not be true,.. it COULD not be true. That he had been mistaken by giving him these memories and visions. The genie said simply, 'There are no more wishes you can make, and no way to forget these things once again. You hav eonly yourself to blaim.' And with that the genie return from whence he came; The man no more of a man than a quivering, weepeing husk that he had been all along."

Random song:
Unheilig - Ich Will Alles

Weeeeeeee bad week!

Ok i don't know what it is,.. maybe the time change... but thsi week has been downright horrid to say only the best of it.

Sofar i may have to drop 2 classes.... which forfits my pelgrant for next term....

On the lighterside,.. spring break is next week.

least i'll have a week long reprieve.

Well atleast i know of something to cheer myself up and perhaps you. Enjoy the you-tube Vid.

Blah blah blah...

Nothing new going on,.. still failing my classes still in debt, and NOW i have some hacker stealing my identity, and costing me more $ i don't even have......

Not all that happy anymore. Life sucks and i'v yet to see any light. But hey i still walk a lonely road till i die. Not giving up, never have never will. Peace for now.

FINALY 18!

Yea... now i can supposedly do anything i want.... As if.

18 is another year gone and forgotten to me honestly. and i see nothing special about it.

I'm old enough to smoke, old enough to pay taxes, old enough to get a job, old enough to get married, old enough to have sex. yea... none of thats happeneing yet.

Drivers rant

You know what i hate?

BAD DRIVERS....

This morning i was on my daily commute to collage at 7 AM. It takes almost an hour to get here and the whole way i was plagued by driver after driver who thought it was either dodgems or the Indy-500!

Lets see,.. I'll go down the list in order of most hated bad driving moves to least hated.

1:) Tailgating! UGH i hate people who tailgate you, and worse off,.. tailgate you no-matter what speed your going and WON'T pass! I know, my bumper looks so nice,... but its not a buffet for your car's grill. So stop eating it. [Solution: GOOD breaks, and a state that's laws state you must have insurance.]

2:) High beams! its kinda like "HI i am too lazy to dim the lights. So i'm gonna blind you!" UGH,... I hate this so much, whats worse is when they tailgate you with high beams,... or worst yet flashing there lights at you while tailgating. "I R so important. i mus make dis d00d go fastur! If i don' get home in time i r missing footsieball game!" That is all i hear when you honk your horn or flash your high beams at my bumper pall.

3:) CELL PHONES. Shut your face hole and drive already. I'm sure the person on the other end would be just fine if you said "I am driving right now, can you please let me go so i don't get in a wreck and kill myself and some one else?" But no,... most every woman is driving an oversize SUV with a itty-bitty cellphone stuck tot here face. They pull out in front of you and wonder why you have to slam on breaks with smoke billowing from your tires to simply avoid from ramming them. Horns, lights, nothing means anything to these zoned out assholes...

4:) People who switch lanes (Yes laneS multiple) Without signaling. Even IF you signal and switch 3-4 lanes,.. your risking not only your life, but every car behind you for aobut a football field's length. ITS NOT WORTH IT MORON! Simply get off at the next exit, and TURN AROUND. @_@

5:) Off center or maladjusted/broken lights. The car you drive has an inspection sticker for a reason. If you have one headlight you look like a guy on a moped int he middle of the night. And you know what,... Even if you drive a 650HP flame breathing super-car,.. you still look like an idjet if one of your headlights is broken. FIX IT!


Ok while i could go on and on and on,... AND ON.... I'll spare you all for now. =\

Sssssss-L-Eeeeeeeee-P? Whats that mean?

Been a while since i'v had a good nights sleep lately.... my mind is too cluttered with random thoughts and useless information. I'm failing horridly in math,.. and i'll have to make 'A's to be able to pull though. Its possible but highly unlikely i'll pull through this. If i do it will be by the skin of my teeth.

This crap with relationships is relay bothering me... i love my mate,.. but honestly she lives in MA, under Boston,.. i can't stand being so far away from something i love so much... We don't even hardly have time to talk any longer and i really just wish i at least had a friend locally who i could hug or even just jaw flap with now and then.

Right now there are 2 things i desire... a good warm friendly hug,.. and a nice pillow to curl up with as i pass out @_@.

Another day in the life of a teenage mad-man.

Well its yet another cold nippy day in the life of a teenage mad-man going through a midlife crisis at the age of 17. Come only a few short weeks i'll be "Legal" With Legal bills, Legal taxes, and legal draft sign up =\ Woo! *Place another sarcastic remark here*

Well I did my first speech today. It was a commemoration of my uncle. I caled him after the speach and said "Thank you for having such a misrible life that i could comimorate you befoe your even dead." He laughed.

Just got done with a test in math.. out of 21 problems,.. about 15-18 of which said "I don't know" and on a math test,.. words = BAD...

The school keeps placeing me in the wrong mathmatical levels. I need to go back a level or two. My teacher even said so. But allt he spots are filled for the alrady scantly doen classes that are even further back then i am now.

Bloggity blog blog blog

Another day,.. or 3 without any sleep. I'v been to obsessed with my thoughts to sleep,... thoughts ranging from what i'll have to eat at lunch, all the way down to the meaning of our existence.

The bigest thought on my mind at the moment is simply,... "Dose She Still love me?" But honestly,... I'v not spoken with her in solong now,... its kinda upsetting to think about it even.

Another speach is due Wed,... This ISN'T going to be enjoyable in any way shape or form. Its a comimorative speach i'm giveing on my uncle. There is alot to cover ina 2-3 min speach. Liek the time me and him where makeing bombs for newyears,.. and how we almost died in the resulting explosion that totaled a work trailor's contents.

At any rate,.. Blogs,.. journals,... Diarys,.. what ever they are i'm not good with them. Expect to see ranting and raveing here often. ~}=\ I do it often,..