Plagued by racing thoughts and contradicting emotions, my nights have become what feels longer then my days. Insomnia has set in and i have noticed myself acting as if manic depression has set in...
My emotions switch so rapidly i can't tell if i'm angry enough to strangle some one, or sad enough i just wish i'd die. At either rate nither one is good and it troubles me to see myself in such a degraded state. Never thought my mental facilities would become as if i didn't own them. I can hardly contain my emotions much less actually control there outbursts; And i fear this is not helping the reason or source problem of my manic depression.
I wish to study the logical mind of computers, and the illogical and some times arbitrary mind of humans. It seems i am no closer to knowing how humans think, but my path towards scripting perfection draws closer and closer. Perhaps one day i'll be able to look back and laugh at my situation... but for now i laugh at it in hysteria, and then as suddenly as i start laughing, i begin weeping.
The Mad Man,
Jester; The King Of Fools
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
This isn't alright anylonger,...
Dropped 3 classes Monday.... and still i don't have a job... i can't even open a bank account in my name yet...
I'v been thinking about the Navy, or Air-Force... but there is a several month waiting list and i may not even meet requirements to join.
I am looking for a simple job that won't over work me and has a decent amount of pay for putting up with a minimal amount of BS. Sounds simple right? Wrong.... on-top of the fact no such job even exists,.. no one is even hireing right now....
Random Song:
Chombichrist - DNA AM
I'v been thinking about the Navy, or Air-Force... but there is a several month waiting list and i may not even meet requirements to join.
I am looking for a simple job that won't over work me and has a decent amount of pay for putting up with a minimal amount of BS. Sounds simple right? Wrong.... on-top of the fact no such job even exists,.. no one is even hireing right now....
Random Song:
Chombichrist - DNA AM
Monday, March 23, 2009
The times, Are a changeing;
Well i had to drop 3 classes in order to find myself a job since the family is suffering and i'm failing to uphold my self in the classes. Tines are rough and i am heavily considering the military.
They can teach me discipline and strength, as well as bestow my with courage. All of these things i lack. At any rate, i leave you with this short story and random song.
"There once was a man who had no knowledge of who he was, and what his past had been. He had devote his entire life to finding these answers. And one day he met this genie, who ask 'And what will be your third wish?' In reply, the man ask 'What of my second and first wish?' The genie simply said, 'Your second wish was to undo the first.' With this the man realized what his first wish had been was no good and that he had some how forgotten it. He had no other wish but to know of who he was and what his past had been. He then said after a brief moment thinking about it, 'I'd like to know my past, and who i really am.' The genie chuckle uproariously and said, 'Strange; That was your first wish.' And with this the man was bestow with visions, memories, of horrible deeds and crimes. Visions of blood that forever stain his hands and soul. He had come to remember that he was something no mad should ever be. He spat curses at the genie and told him of how it must not be true,.. it COULD not be true. That he had been mistaken by giving him these memories and visions. The genie said simply, 'There are no more wishes you can make, and no way to forget these things once again. You hav eonly yourself to blaim.' And with that the genie return from whence he came; The man no more of a man than a quivering, weepeing husk that he had been all along."
Random song:
Unheilig - Ich Will Alles
They can teach me discipline and strength, as well as bestow my with courage. All of these things i lack. At any rate, i leave you with this short story and random song.
"There once was a man who had no knowledge of who he was, and what his past had been. He had devote his entire life to finding these answers. And one day he met this genie, who ask 'And what will be your third wish?' In reply, the man ask 'What of my second and first wish?' The genie simply said, 'Your second wish was to undo the first.' With this the man realized what his first wish had been was no good and that he had some how forgotten it. He had no other wish but to know of who he was and what his past had been. He then said after a brief moment thinking about it, 'I'd like to know my past, and who i really am.' The genie chuckle uproariously and said, 'Strange; That was your first wish.' And with this the man was bestow with visions, memories, of horrible deeds and crimes. Visions of blood that forever stain his hands and soul. He had come to remember that he was something no mad should ever be. He spat curses at the genie and told him of how it must not be true,.. it COULD not be true. That he had been mistaken by giving him these memories and visions. The genie said simply, 'There are no more wishes you can make, and no way to forget these things once again. You hav eonly yourself to blaim.' And with that the genie return from whence he came; The man no more of a man than a quivering, weepeing husk that he had been all along."
Random song:
Unheilig - Ich Will Alles
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Weeeeeeee bad week!
Ok i don't know what it is,.. maybe the time change... but thsi week has been downright horrid to say only the best of it.
Sofar i may have to drop 2 classes.... which forfits my pelgrant for next term....
On the lighterside,.. spring break is next week.
least i'll have a week long reprieve.
Well atleast i know of something to cheer myself up and perhaps you. Enjoy the you-tube Vid.
Sofar i may have to drop 2 classes.... which forfits my pelgrant for next term....
On the lighterside,.. spring break is next week.
least i'll have a week long reprieve.
Well atleast i know of something to cheer myself up and perhaps you. Enjoy the you-tube Vid.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Blah blah blah...
Nothing new going on,.. still failing my classes still in debt, and NOW i have some hacker stealing my identity, and costing me more $ i don't even have......
Not all that happy anymore. Life sucks and i'v yet to see any light. But hey i still walk a lonely road till i die. Not giving up, never have never will. Peace for now.
Not all that happy anymore. Life sucks and i'v yet to see any light. But hey i still walk a lonely road till i die. Not giving up, never have never will. Peace for now.
Monday, March 2, 2009
FINALY 18!
Yea... now i can supposedly do anything i want.... As if.
18 is another year gone and forgotten to me honestly. and i see nothing special about it.
I'm old enough to smoke, old enough to pay taxes, old enough to get a job, old enough to get married, old enough to have sex. yea... none of thats happeneing yet.
18 is another year gone and forgotten to me honestly. and i see nothing special about it.
I'm old enough to smoke, old enough to pay taxes, old enough to get a job, old enough to get married, old enough to have sex. yea... none of thats happeneing yet.
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